Appearance is Everything

Knowing that appearance is everything, Daniel already knows he looks different from everyone else, which causes him to be this silent boy who's extremely observant. 

He has this self-deprecation, seeing himself as a crumb. "Crumbs didn't want to be noticed but were as noticeable as an open sore, tucking themselves away to avoid the places of highest concentration..."(59).

That point of belittling his value and internalizing these differences between himself and other messes up his desire to not stand out and be an alien. It's sad that no matter how uninvolved some minorities are with society, they're somehow pulled into the situation and suffering from the hierarchy of influence of those that are preferred. 

Coming from someone who's also super quiet, deeply observing surroundings kind of becomes a daily thing. Daniel's very watchful from trying to blend. But at the same time, he's a little obsessed with comparing himself to what he's heard or seen.

From being tossed around from place to place and having this horrible feeling of unwantedness, he never has an actual home to return to. Home is supposed to be a safe place to feel comfortable, but for Daniel, nearly nowhere has that amount of comfort unless reunited with his mother. In every situation he knows less about his mother, he loses his trust in people because of one true destination of comfort, where he knows he'll be accepted naturally. 

At this point in his life, it's too common to not be wanted by parents. It's like he can't accept this generosity and love that his foster parents give because of their previous desires for a younger child "whom they had wanted more" (58). After reading that, I felt pretty struck by how much he can't put his trust into anyone and can't imagine himself being important. He can't get past the fact that there are people willing to help him because of his recurring lost trust in those that have broken their promises in the past.

Being at the Top

The idea of the American Dream: success will come through hard work while doing what you enjoy.

Even today, we still believe working hard leads to success. But with society, the verisimilitude of American success is based on status and physical appearance. 

Like in A Raisin in the Sun, everyone works hard to achieve what they dream of doing, but the problem society has with appearance hinders their effort. 

In a way, Beneatha's like the Gandhi of her household, advocating for her own rights and independence. Beneatha sets herself off from the rest of her family. It's like she embraces her uniqueness and has this fiery passion to do all that she can to satisfy herself. 

And take Walter, he's a chauffeur and yields to people higher in status by driving them around everywhere and treating them like gods. Even if there was a white person, being at the lowest of the low like going to the casino to gamble every day, that's preferred over someone who looks unfamiliar.  

Walter is the man of the house, assuming the role of being the breadwinner to support his family. However, there's such limited opportunity for him to earn more. That's probably why he has that dream of owning a liquor store so he's able to be the lone ranger of his business and able to act independently without needing to consult anyone since he's would be at the top. 

As humans, we just love to own everything and be the boss of others because of that feeling of being high in status. Honestly, society profiles people based on race, impeding the efforts of one to actually feel that accomplishment. 

Colorblind

I used to live just on the other side of Troy and went to a different school district. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I ended up being one of the only Asians at that school, the rest being mostly Caucasian.

Once I moved to this side of Troy, I straight up didn't realize there were so many Asians. I literally didn't know there were Koreans and other Chinese people existent in Troy. I was so uneducated about race on the other side, not even knowing what certain races were, mostly because I wasn't exposed to many types at that other school.

I was full of colorblindness when I was younger since I didn't really see race, which also could've been my naivety and ignorance as a child. I remember one kid, who loved to read everything, asking if someone was related to me simply by my last name, Lee. I can't remember what he actually did, but he just made the connection that I was related to whoever he was reading about.

Because I was one of the few, I honestly just find it interesting how that he acknowledged my race but just kind of generalized it. Lee is such a common last name, but he wouldn't have known because of his limited exposure. I honestly can't blame him for thinking that way.

Now, being submerged into a more Asian area, I became aware of race. I did change my perspective, especially since I became older, but it's like I'm mostly concerned with the community I'm included in now. Being only involved with this now dominant Asian community has probably plagued me again with colorblindness since I only know or probably even care about what goes on in my specific grouping.

In A Raisin in the Sun, Lindner was saying how African Americans should be with their own, and Americans also with their own. It's kind of similar to how I subconsciously gravitate towards those similar to me but then what happens is that I only realize what's going on in what I'm involved in, with no interest in anything else. To him, that was considered safe. Naturally, it's so much easier to not think and do the wrong things instead of doing the right thing, making life easier to go by without consciously realizing race and without making sure everything said isn't misinterpreted.

Stars

"I never noticed the stars before. I always thought of them as great big diamonds that belonged to someone. Now they frighten me." (113).

Her whole life, Kismine believed these stars were owned by someone. She didn't bat an eye to these stars because she thought they were always owned. So, it seems like she thought that since they're already such valuable jewels already owned, she has no chance of obtaining them. When in reality, it's something so precious and shining belonging to no one at all, giving everyone equal opportunity to appreciate the beauty of it. 

The moment I read this I was instantly struck with this one scene in The Glass Castle where the main character's father tells her all about the stars and asks her to pick one. She was young but smart enough to realize no one owns the stars. But according to Rex Walls..."You just have to claim them before anyone else." I thought about how they're the complete opposite of Kismine—running around in a car and escaping debt. Yet, they still attach ownership to these stars.

There's actually some website where you can "adopt stars" but it's obviously unofficial and probably a scam. 

Still random but related, I've always seen those Adopt-a-Highway signs on the road and genuinely thought you could name a highway when I was younger. It's actually just a volunteer program where you vow to "adopt"(more like choose) a side of the road to clean up for 2 years. 

It's a nice idea...but the name is quite misleading. It sounds like you could potentially own a highway, which is super satisfying, but is nowhere near that. 

All three of these random thoughts I had dealt with this connection to ownership. The idea of it is so flattering and honoring to actually own something people see everyday, but it's just another false reality. Whatever we own, we love to show off to everyone. We always think we can own everything we see or think that something is owned by someone else, but all that shows is how obsessed we are with the worth and value of something that we admire. 

Ignorance

I don't get why Daisy's child only made an appearance twice. To a mother, a child is practically her whole life. Though Daisy's "changed" through Gatsby's eyes, she's indifferent about raising her child since she doesn't actually do anything to care for her. She even wants her daughter to be "a beautiful little fool," only caring for her worth and appearance. 

Even the daughter exhibits some sort of ignorance. She is pretty young, but she doesn't hate the fact her mother isn't spending time with her at all. 

Maybe it could represent how young people dream big with no worries at the start. But, as they grow up they have these stages in life, represented by characters in the novel with different types of ignorance. Until 30 years comes by, where all truth is unveiled and the dream is deemed unattainable. 

The amount of ignorance in this book is obviously from the corruption of wealth, but is also somewhat from the natural being of humans. Ever since we read This is Water, it still makes me look at how people act according to selfishness. Everyone assumes everything for the benefit of themselves, like Tom assuming Gatsby killed Myrtle. He already hates Gatsby so it just gives him more of a reason(a better one too) to hate him. 

Assuming is inevitable, but all these characters jump to such great conclusions that end up being no where near true. To make up for that, there's also this enjoyment from the suffering of others, so pretty much being a sadist in the novel—near the end when basically everyone wants everyone else to go downhill so they can feel superior and powerful. 

Then there's Nick, who doesn't tell anyone what he actually knows, which is the truth. He listens to everyone, as they think they're right. I always wondered why he felt so pitiful for Gatsby but never released the truth. But, it's probably because everyone refuses to accept and recognize the truth because of this fake reality they've already generated. 

Blue Honey

"The late afternoon sky bloomed in the window for a moment like the blue honey of the Mediterranean..."(pg 34).

I honestly didn't know this was a thing. Apparently there was blue, brown, and green honey that came from bees feeding off junk food—M&M's (oddly enough). There was an actual case in Carolina that had that unnatural phenomenon, without M&M's, but that's still an unsolved mystery.

Anyways, honey actually represents things like prosperity and behavioral changes from what I've googled. We've already associated with things like yellow and gold to be dealing with money, which would be the same for honey, except that it's blue.

Blue represents things like trust and calmness. But blue honey...we've seen blue a few times. Like that Doctor's blue eyes and this one phrase that bugged me a lot, " his[Gatsby's] blue gardens." 

Blue gardens, blue eyes, and blue honey seem to me like these unrealistic fantasies that are hoped for. Blue generally represents calmness so being in that state of blue would bring stability and carefreeness. So, having blue associated with these things would mean stability in your surroundings, yourself, and your wealth, everything. 

Since this book is written from Nick's POV, I noticed this doubt that he sometimes has. With Gatsby,  he doesn't really know what to believe. At Gatsby's party, he has people telling him left and right that Gatsby either killed a guy or was a German spy. Then to further that confusion, Gatsby explains his adventurous past which is clearly hard to believe without definite proof. All of it just seems so far-fetched that these fantasies won't really ever be attainable, only seen through dreams.

Mine

"Macon was delighted. His son belonged to him now and not to Ruth..."

That ungrateful woman, that father is her life. This right here, this is mine. No longer does that woman own my son. Why need something that doesn't help you?

Finally. Someone worthy of the Dead name. Inheriting most of my traits, I knew he'd be the one. All this hard work, this money, I can live on knowing this family will continue to prosper. My son, the only one who gets me. As the heir of this family, he's doing the right thing. I'm only guiding him in the right direction. Everything I do now is for me and him. See! This is the key to life. Money, family, success.

He's the one following my steps, on the right path. I can do so much more without collecting those rents without running around the place looking like drug dealer. It makes me look better. So much more time, more money...I can visit the bank, auctions, and property to expand my business! There's so much more that could be mine. No one will ever look at me thinking I'm one of those poor "Negroes [who] wasn't going to get a big slice of the pie."


All I need to do is teach him more. I can never stoop lower than what I have. This line of Dead will continue with the money and power I've built all these years and will be recognized as one of the greatest. Everything will fill into my hands and become mine.

Living in the Past

Ever since the first assigned reading, I always remembered this one explicitly said statement,
"It was becoming a habit—this concentration on things behind him. Almost as thought there were no future to be had"(pg 35).

This was the chapter where he urinated on Corinthians. Once the memory ended with that statement, it surprised me of how 1. really relatable it is that Milkman focuses on the past rather than present or future but 2. how honestly shocking that this habit really does follow him everywhere throughout the story and how it all started with this one interaction between him and his sister.

In the next chapter, I remember him thinking about his mother's breastfeeding and walking against the flow of traffic. I kind of saw that as him being so immersed in that part of his past, that he's moving in the wrong direction compared to others because he's so focused on his past. Since no one was walking on the other side of the street, it was like that empty side consists of those who focus on the past and the side he's walking against had those who are in the present and look forward to the future. None of those walking were like Milkman, looking back on their past and being confused, which would've made him be the only one to walk that path of going a different direction.

At the end of Part I, that urinating scene is mentioned again. Lena talked about how the world revolves only around Milkman and how everyone surrounding Milkman had to give up something in compensation for his gains or benefits.
Part I ended with something he couldn't escape from, leading into the next part where Milkman starts to search for his past instead. Instead of being with people who make him look onto the past, he searches for it.

I find it so interesting that the author pulled that statement and demonstrated it by showing how the habit of looking onto his past was not all on him. From the quote alone, I would've thought that Milkman was just being a self-conscious teenager without much of a dream. But, after seeing all these moments where he's held back by these negative events in his past it's him that's not able to escape from the details of the past people keep bombarding him with.

Misconception

America—the land of the free and the American dream. Every country has its own distinct culture. Because of that, there's always misconceptions and assumptions about how certain people act in a country. Before, immigrants had this ideal and glorified image of America only to come to discrimination and presumptions that led to certain people being accepted but others not as easily.

Even today, so many people think things like Americans are lazy, obese, or obsessed with guns when America is mentioned. At first, I got really annoyed that people are just surrounded by these stereotypes and stick to them as if they're completely true. But, it's really not their fault for thinking that way since  the people believing those rumors haven't seen America for themselves. We all view things differently because of our different cultures and ways of thinking.

We always have these assumptions when another country is brought up. I realized I do it a lot more than I thought, mostly because I do it so subconsciously. I remember my brother and I thinking that people in China were really rich just from looking at their clothes and their accessories. But, after seeing how real the knock-off items look at a night market, it shattered that perception I had on people walking in the streets and, instead, replaced it with this belief that people buy the fake ones.

Though assumptions can be changed, I feel like we're all so selfishly stubborn. Like, we tend to believe certain things and refuse to change our beliefs when we're verbally told it's wrong. It's only when we see things firsthand that make us finally change our perception. 

What I'm getting at is that there is no actual definition or description of what America is or should be. It always varies from the circumstances we're in that causes us to glorify, appreciate, or despise America. From what we're taught and how we're raised, those factors affect us in so many ways to what we see in something.

Polka Dots

Probably the most far-fetched and bizarre thing, I constantly saw these polka dots while reading Maus.

His suit and curtain

From being on clothes to walls, they stuck out so much to me and it just bothered me so much.

I started wondering about them and how protruding they were and concluded to this:

Like the line motif, it's pretty similar. Lines represent this state of being confined and trapped when it's shown throughout the book. They kind of have this order and strictness that makes it so straight and unable to bypass. Like in driving, we'll fail our driving tests if we pass a solid line.

But, these circles are filled in, spread out, and (clearly) round. To me, it kind of represents carefreeness. With lines, the more compressed and more confined they are, the harder it is to escape. That's honestly how I saw these circles as being much more spaced out and able to move around freely with your own willpower and control. 

Like I said, far-fetched. 

But, I also saw this one page where Vladek wears polka dot pajamas. 

I felt like this was another side of Vladek. He was seen with stripes mostly that signified his imprisonment from the war, but in the present he's a prisoner of his house and from being with his son. He now has much more freedom than before, but it's not always 100%. 

According to learnreligions.com, "...standing within a circle shields people from supernatural dangers or outside influences. Circles can also represent containing, keeping what is inside from been released."

As Vladek talks about his past, stripes are often shown. But, when he's not I feel like polka dots are shown more. It's a symbol of security for Vladek that when he's being himself, he doesn't want to or need to remember his imprisonment. He can just live in the present without reminiscing or being traumatized from his past of being trapped in a prison, working against his will. He has these polka dot clothes that protect him from the horrors of the Holocaust and allows him to keep moving forward. 

Living Proof

This panel(VII pg 91) gives the basic idea of the Holocaust in just 3 pictures. You can see these Jews at the top piling on top of each other "waiting only to die," the insect that brings disease to the camps, and the Jews lining up for food, only to get almost nothing in the end.

At first, I only saw this as a bug in the middle page and quickly flipped to the next. But, if I just took a step back and looked at the page as a whole, I would've stared at it in awe instead. It looks kinda like the outline of a camera, doesn't it?

Obviously, this camera stores all of the Jews' memories. And even more obvious, not everyone actually has a photographic memory, but it's the Holocaust. The memories are so vivid and haunting that there's nothing about it that you can forget.

Since Vladek is narrating, let's just say(for now) say Vladek is the camera—one that just never stops taking photos. He can browse through his memories like a photo album and jump around from picture to picture to talk about certain events, which is pretty common throughout the story.

But, he's just one camera. This panel is formed through a third person POV. Basically, as if someone else took a picture of the events shown in this panel. It gives a general view and reminds the audience that this story is not just about Vladek's experience, it's how the Jews experienced the Holocaust. But, cameras are easily disposable: just break them and throw them away.

Cameras only capture certain moments, not the before or after part of the picture. There's always frames of pictures that cut them off from what happened in person. To the side of a panel, there could've been a Nazi hiding, ready to shoot a Jew, or a Jew being killed in the corner that we'll never know because it's cut off from the picture. Nothing will ever actually show the true Holocaust with secondhand memories, or even firsthand ones that are relayed. There's never enough detail or information that you can get, without being there yourself.

We'll never actually know how many people stood in that line for food and got some(or none), or how many people were piled on top of each other, dead or alive. There were millions of other cameras out there, but sadly we can't retrieve them...they all broke or died of battery from being overused without charging.

Define "Comics"

Comics weren't always these fictional superheroes living in this nonexistent world fighting off evil beings. But, that's how we think of them to be. Nowadays, we think of Marvel Comic and DC Comics basically being the only type of comics that exist. Clearly, these two companies share the same idea: make a superhero that's totally unrealistic and make a plot that lasts for oh so many years.

But comics probably didn't start like that. It just grew to be that. The only difference between a book and a comic is the absence/inclusion of pictures. When reading those long sections of just words, we have this motion picture going on in our minds. Comics lay out the picture for us to help us visualize it the right way. Because of that, people deem comics to be something "childish" or "noneducational" since we're not "thinking."

When you open up a comic, it's immediately colors. Colors and speech bubbles in panels accumulating to a max of 30ish pages. That again, is what makes people think that comic books are nothing more than a child's book. Adults probably think that"great works of art and literature" are worth looking at because it looks like there's effort put into it and that you need to think and interpret the meaning for yourself.

People count "intellectual" as having only words or only pictures, having the other one not being used "exploring a wider area" and leaving it up to interpretation. The whole point of a story is to get the meaning and plot across the reader's mind. Books, comics, movies, and everything else do just that. It's only popularized to believe that comics are less intellectual because of the fictional characters that have taken over the basic concept of comics. Pictures and words make it easier to read, but it's the meaning of the story that matters.

Everyone's Normal

As teenagers, we go to school, go do piles of homework, and go to sleep at __AM. At school, we have all our friends, teachers we can rely on, and tests we have to face. Then, we get home to loads of homework and studying to try and get that good grade. This is our normal. 

Pretty much every day, we deprecate ourselves to feel better and to sometimes make others feel better. I remember countless time moping over my math grade then blurring the truth by laughing it off to people who scored higher than me. Though for the person listening to me, he/she wouldn't get the slightest hint of the amount of hatred I had for myself. 

In Sherman Alexie's story, he says things like "born a goofy reservation mixed drink" to show everyone that this is his life. He comforts himself by understating things that affect him and keeps this nonchalant tone to make it seem like everything is okay the way it is. Of course it's never just "okay." Taking it for granted, I wondered how does "my father was arrested, charged with attempted murder" not spur anxiety being the son? But soon enough, it was this young minority being isolated, confined, and having his life on the line from his condition and his ethnicity that was drawing this hidden truth under all this sarcasm and humor. Growing up on a reservation, being born with a condition with risk of death, and being surrounded by alcohol was Sherman Alexie's normal. 

Being in Troy High and living in 2019, where everything is diverse and we all accept these differences, is what these minorities back then envied and wished for change. Many turned to alcohol while we turn to our friends to rant in order to solve our problems. We can petition for change and have everybody included in it with an actual chance to obtain that change. If we look at before...it took one person to basically ruin an entire culture in which these victims had literally no right, according to the Supreme Court, to live peacefully without any restrictions. 

The power to change is a privilege in life, for the better or for worse. Except that the lives we all live are different, making infinite definitions of "normal."

A True Patriot

The summer of 2019, I traveled to Hong Kong. I admired the culture and got a feel for how my parents used to live. In the midst of all that, protests were on one side while I stayed on the other. I didn't actually see the revolt with my eyes, but I constantly wondered what it would look like.

In the Partly Cloudy Patriot, "The true American patriot is by definition skeptical of the government"(Vowell). Being skeptical shows that you're well aware of what you're able to have. Having these views shows that you're not blindly following under a leader and accepting all rules as is. If you know what's wrong from right, then there could be change for the better.

Like Vowell, these Hong Kong patriots are "skeptical of their government" and are trying to gain their rights. Meanwhile, there are "sunshine patriots" in mainland posting all over social media platforms about how "Hong Kong is China's Hong Kong." In America, the author also mentions that Americans are sparked by catastrophic events. Even with tear gas and pepper spray, no one can be really swayed.

For me, to think that these subways accidentally separated from my family are now battlefields between the citizens and the police is horrifying. The seats I fell asleep on are deathbeds for certain people fighting for their rights.

These protesters all love their country and are risking their lives to protect their rights but are constantly presented with more ignorance. Both Vowell and these protesters have the same hope for nationwide realization and the day to raise their flags with passion again. At the same time, I hope for the day the two countries can see the same light.

What a Memorial Actually Needs

We've all seen war memorials and monuments dedicated to historical figures. However, there is a certain thing that tributes absolutely need. I researched the Sibelius monument that looks like this: 

You may think this looks a lot like organ pipes but...Jean Sibelius was hardly involved with organ pipes. In fact, he was a composer for symphonies and many of his pieces united the people of Finland, making him a national hero.

When you look at it, you would instantly think of the organ pipes and its uniqueness. At the same time, you wouldn't have an idea of what this person did or why he was important. Allyson Booth said "Architects designing war memorials invented a set of artifacts capable of once standing as substitutes for the body..." This made me realize that tributes need to directly have something related to the person or event. That's obviously a given, but without the emphasis on the importance of the subject, what purpose does the memorial serve if no one can understand it?

I personally feel that there's a limit to abstractness. It's good to have abstract qualities that show symbolism and creativity, but it could get to a point that hardly anyone can interpret the design. Like Booth said, it needs to be capable of substituting the body. I really admired the design, but is it really a monument? It doesn't really replace the body or explain his influence. To me, memorials or monuments don't even need the abstract element if it can get the point across to visitors. The dead need to be represented in a way that people can understand and respect, even if they had no clue what importance the dead had on a country or place beforehand.